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Shattering the Mirror


Why does the internal struggles of self-hatred torture my consciousness in a paralyzing contradiction of rage and humility? Because we stretch our arms as far as we can, but we never seem to touch even the closest stars. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a lot of heroes, I’ve read their words a thousand times over and over, even memorized little pieces of my favorites. I used to think I’d get a glimpse through their eyes in some way. Now I see how pointless that is. These eyes work just fine.

I wish I was more independent, but I miss you, your mind, determination, and discipline. Life is not a perfect circle. These souls are infinite it’s no wonder we miscalculate from time to time. In the next life we will get it right, I promise. As for me? I’ve been thinking about shattering the mirror, but I don’t know if that will close the doorway that it opened. My insecurities slipped through while I was busy over analyzing my flaws. Either way I don’t think the reflection will change, no matter how many pieces of glass fall out of the frame.

I’m all finished with everything society has served. I’d like to cash out, can I get the check please? The portions were small, the service was bad, and the bill is quite expensive. Next time I’ll make my own American Dream I’ve got the recipe at home. Now before you respond in your typical reactionary shock, I just want to comment on how refreshing it is that you got to finally see me without bruises, scars, welts, tears, anger, hatred, confusion, judgment, jealousy, and fear because all that shit is just too heavy to carry. I’m glad I got to share my soul with you.

I wish I was in love with more than just the songs stuck in my head. The memories and emotions they have locked inside of them, and the moments when I would sing along to them and think about us. We were crazy, so fucking crazy, and that was the only thing keeping me sane and now it drives me crazy and I don’t want to feel it anymore. I’m never going to feel like that again and I know it. I’m not going to shake it either, I’m not moving on, because I can’t imagine ever being any happier than I was when I was with you.

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